We need to have a talk. You're one of those things in life that I feel was wrongly left out of my education. I mean, I'm not saying that my knowledge of photosynthesis, trigonometry and parts of a volcano are not all incredibly useful but I could really have done with a lesson on drinking: How? What? When? Why did I have that fourth glass of vodka coke when I was clearly already pretty drunk? So many questions and ones that neither my geography, biology or psychology classes ever taught me.
I was never a party animal. It never really interested me and it still doesn't. I'd rather keep my senses and memory of the night in tact thank you very much. That's why I never really got into the party scene. I didn't understand the excitement that seemed to revolve around getting so drunk you can no longer remember how your legs work or where you are. Choosing something to do for my 21st is going to be a nightmare! A tea party maybe? Movie Marathon? A good nights sleep? That was a joke...I swear...
Mum persuaded Felix to invite me to his parties, to broaden my social circles and to go wild a bit more. Starting with the blue beauty of WKD, I was then introduced to vodka and the many things you can mix with it to mask the fact that the drink itself is the most vile thing to pass your lips. Friends would hand me a glass of something orange, or a glass that resembled coke but with a slight kick to its fizz. I'd empty that but somehow it would fill in my hands. The party would go on and I would lose more and more of myself. Confidence up. Sense of personal boundaries, how close is too close, down. Attempts at flirting up. Embarrassment at my behavior non-existent.
About mid-way through a 6th form party...fancy dress...obviously |
It's the confidence. When it comes to a party of people I either vaguely know or don't know at all, I'm going to clam shut unless something else takes over and encourages me to talk. That thing is you, alcohol. I'm a socially awkward drinker. Someone who drinks to break her own ice and allow participation in conversation to begin. Who allows a drink to become her excuse to tell ridiculously embarrassing stories and to go up to that guy across the room and tell him he's got pretty eyes because 'it's ok, I'm drunk, he realizes that, he knows I'm not weird or crazy, and anyway, it's a compliment.'...
...Ellie and I went for a summer/winter theme...as you can see |
This version of myself appeared only a couple of days ago when, what started with an attempt at football, some fruity ciders and chocolate cake slowly slid into topping myself up, on a pretty empty stomach, with my go to friend: vodka lemonade. Drinking each glass far too quickly, not enjoying the flavour but encouraged by the way in which I was slowly gaining confidence. My voice was becoming louder and laughter was bubbling out. Glass empty? No problem, I bought a whole bottle to myself. A top up. Another. And another. Ok, last one....
A lovely dinner...before the alcohol set it... |
Amy...the definition of elegance and style |
Saturday was spent recovering. After throwing up twice before leaving, a lot of staying as horizontal as possible in bed, and eventually finding some food, I managed to feel stable enough to go to another gathering that evening. An evening where no alcohol was touched, let alone consumed and I managed to keep the contents of my stomach in tact.
Me and Daniella...At a point in the evening I still remember |
I learnt that I never want to throw up because of alcohol again. That shall be the first (Dammit...ignoring that one night during freshers...) and last time. I won't let you take control of me as much as you did, to wipe my sanity away or make me throw up in Edd's bathroom sink and hopefully, oh so tipsily, I'll feel just that little bit less terrible the morning after.
And the fancy dress comes out because why be me, when I can be a viking? |
Best wishes,
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