Dear 2019

Dear 2019,

I knew I wanted, and needed, to write to you even before you waved me, and the world, goodbye as we walked into the unknown future of a new decade. However, I also can't help feeling mildly disappointed that this letter couldn't have been written this time in 365 (or 366...leap year and all) days time. It feels like the last year would have been the perfect way to start a new decade. When I look back, it has been a year of new beginnings, of big changes and what felt like the end of an era. Perhaps I could even call it the official end of my childhood...ok, that sounds ridiculous. I'm 24...my childhood ended a while ago now...but I finally really do feel more like a grown-up. I feel more adult and less adolescent. I am certainly still a mummy and daddy's girl, that will probably never change but I also no longer just identify as Ellie the Student, Ellie the Anxious and Ellie the "what the hell am I going to do in life?". I now feel I can broaden away from those labels I assigned to myself and see I have, and am, so much more.

For Example, I'm an Elf

Jeez, that was long pre-ramble. I'm sorry 2019, now time for me to chat about all those magical things you gave me.

The year began, unlike any other new year since I was about 4, without even a glimmer of an educational institute in sight. No new term just beginning, no gap-year-ending up ahead. Nothing. Nada. Instead, I was entering the working world. A few months previously, I had walked out of university 3 weeks into the academic term and said I couldn't do it anymore. I knew that studying was what I definitely didn't want to be doing but I lacked a clear plan of what I did. That was until I sent a simple text. A message to a lady who I knew through a rabbit. I had looked after Leaf for the last few years, to give her company when her mum and dad were away, chatting and feeding her little rabbit chocolate drops. Now Leafs mummy had had a baby, a human baby, lets call her Petal, by then about 8-months old. Leaf's and Petal's mummy was looking to return to work and I knew this. I asked if she'd take me on. Just over 1 year later, and my new best friend is now officially a toddler. I am Eyyie.

Leaf

Over this last year, throughout 2019, I have watched a little girl grow - I've watched her learn to clap, to crawl, to stand and to walk. I can count the number of times I've been to the loo by myself at work on one hand. I have worked tirelessly cooking some creative dish only for her to reject it and then come to me 5 minutes later as I eat my own, trying to puppy-dog-eyes her way to getting a forkful. I have made new friends in the nannying world and through them watched a little girl make friends of her own. I like to imagine that she'll sit around with these little friends in 10, 15, 20 years time and laugh at the years of adventures they have had. As I write this, I have just finished my first week back to work after 2 weeks off for Christmas. In those 2 weeks, my little toddler became a little chatterbox. Her parents and I like to say that she is definitely, almost certainly, a genius...if we don't say so ourselves.

I mean look at that handprint...that's an intelligent handprint

Beyond the loving arms of a toddler, my job has bought me a new and bigger family. My 2 bosses, who I look forward to seeing every day and even both sets of grandparents. Through nanny communities I have joined over my first year in the industry, I'm aware that the job isn't always this peachy. Not every family is so welcoming. I know how lucky I am. There was a point in my life, prior to 2019, when Sunday evenings were spent worrying, even crying, about the weekend drawing to an end and a new week beginning. In contrast, over Christmas, I can't say I didn't miss work! I missed my other family and my little friend. Instead of crying over the new year and the drag of January, I was excited to see everyone again and to start a new year, a whole new decade, of adventures, and I can't wait!

Best Nanny Family Ever - A belated Christmas present 

Outside of work, I continued spending my free time with my other families. I sang and danced every Tuesday evening with Forte - my singing Starlings. I spent weekend days with my volunteer pals at Great Ormond Street Hospital (GOSH). With my singers, we had a Black and Teal Tie ball to celebrate Starling Arts turning 10 and we began our preparations for a big anniversary concert later this year. I spent one superb Starling weekend away in the countryside too, cosying down around campfires, singing new songs together just for the fun of it, and even attempting a Ceilidh. In the summer we performed at a North London fair that I first performed at 3 years ago - this time around, the commute was considerably shorter for reasons that will become apparent later in this letter.

Forte Family January 2019

Having a (Black and Teal Tie) Ball

With my GOSH gals, we celebrated birthdays, ate brunch, went to the theatre and made plenty of poorly children smile. I find it hard to believe that in these first few months of 2020, it will have been 4 years since I started my volunteering journey. The girl who walked into the hospital then was a very different one from the one writing this now. Then I was more uncertain and shy, standing back and letting the old-hands show me the way. Now, each week, I look forward to meeting new faces and helping to show them what a wonderful world they have decided to enter by joining the GOSH community. Now I am an old-hand.

Hattie the PAT dog

GOSH Gals Brunch

GOSH Gals do Aladdin

When illness prevented me from singing or volunteering, every email saying I couldn't make it was a disappointment. No matter how tired I am after 10 hours at work on a Tuesday, I will never regret singing until 10:30pm and not sleeping until midnight. Those Tuesday evenings pull me through, and lift me up, no matter what - even if they do mean I need a cat-nap while the little one sleeps on Wednesday. The same can be said for my GOSH family - they keep me going. They keep me smiling. The reasons we are there may be sad ones, to visit children going through things their little bodies really shouldn't be going through, but the impact we have is worth it as are the kind-hearted kindred spirits that I meet.

GOSH Gals do a 25th Birthday

And illness did stop me...and more than once may I add! Within weeks of starting my nannying job in January, you, 2019, decided to throw a spanner in the works and put me back in the hospital only months after my previous visit. A wonderful evening of testing out some of the treats at an ice-cream cafe down the road was followed shortly by 48 hours in hospital, several threats of surgery, lots of tears and frustration, another delayed holiday for my lovely mum, and some much-appreciated bedside company from Steve while we, most appropriately, watched Greys Anatomy.

Well...At least the view was quite nice

Ah yes, something else that makes me smile...ok, not a something...someone. Steve. Or IT-Steve -  lovingly nicknamed to distinguish him from Brother-in-Law Steve, Boyfriend-of-Sister's-Friend Steve, or the many other Steves my family seems to be acquainted with. 2019 brought Steve and I the celebration of a year together. It gave us many adventures: to meet meerkats, to listen to some wonderful Disney music at the Royal Albert Hall, to a weekend at Champneys Spa, a family holiday where we slept under the stars in Turkey on a boat, and moving into a flat together.

He survived a week on a boat with my family

We decided to move away from the busier roads of central London and head to the north...of London. Yeah, ok, so it wasn't far in distance but the difference it has made to my view of the city is big! Instead of screaming sirens and honking horns to rouse me in the morning, I have birds. Instead of roaring traffic, I have quiet. Instead of a view from my bedroom over other concrete buildings, I look out and see houses, and even the shard, through trees! I have moved less than 45 minutes from my parents flat and yet it feels so different, and not just because it's less tidy...it feels like my own. A place for me and Steve to scatter our belongings and make ours (with the exception of doing anything drastic that would lose us our deposit of course).

Home

Told you - Trees

While this was the big step Steve and I took in our relationship, I spent 2019, watching 3 close friends and family take a slightly bigger one into theirs. In May, my brother's oldest friend got married and the whole of West Berkshire ventured to Yorkshire to watch it happen. In September, my childhood-home was transformed into a garden wedding venue for my cousin and his fiancee to tie the knot, and finally, in October, 2 of my best school friends, who spent the first 3 years of secondary school competing over who hated the other more, exchanged vows - 8 years after actually concluding they did vaguely like each other. Essentially, 2019 was a year of realising that some of my friends and family really are grown-up - Neverland is far behind us and hopefully so are any pirates or clock-eating crocodiles.

First Wedding Outfit

A pretty pretty home venue

We scrub up well, we do

I'm not saying I'm less grown-up though. In fact, I also did something none of my friends have done yet! In June, this past year 2019, I partook in...........Jury Duty. Yes. That's right. I was thrilled - no really I was. I was so excited and spent months wondering what sort of exciting criminals I may be responsible for assigning to their fates. In reality, I discovered it's 2 weeks of being paid considerably less than I would if I had been working, sitting in a large waiting area, waiting for my name to be called. It was essentially 2 weeks of going for a check-up at the doctor. Except when my name was eventually called - for the first time may I add - it was back-tracked hours later when I had to explain to the judge why my bosses, who rely on me to care for the infant child, could not give me up for 7 weeks minimum to sit on a financial trial. Days of waiting later, I was called for another trial. The excitement of this lasted all of a day before we were dismissed with no further exciting court-based activity. The third trial...wait...there wasn't a third trial. At that point the court gave up and just sent us all home for the rest of the duty period. Jury Duty: 1*, Would Not Recommend.

Something else I wouldn't recommend? All of the obscure illnesses that struck me down in the second half of this year of adventures. First there was the trip to Steve and I's favourite restaurant that left me off work for a week, feeling very sorry for myself and weeks later making me the recipient of a letter from the Environmental Health Authorities. Apparently I had been knocked down by a particularly nasty type of Bacteria found in food, called Campylobacter - basically I had a strain of food-poisoning the authorities really aren't too keen on and I needed a warning label. How thrilling! To add to the excitement of getting one obscure, note-worthy illness, my immune system decided weeks later to take advantage of the time I spend with small children and plant some little spots on my hands, on my feet and...you guessed it! In my mouth! And before you think it, Hand, Foot and Mouth is not a cow disease...that's just Foot and Mouth. Cattle don't have hands.

Moral of the story:
I am too impatient to cook my own dinner at a restaurant

Nobody wants a picture of my illnesses
so here's some of my home interiors where I spent a lot of time

All in all it was an eventful autumn and my favourite season was greatly received when it arrived. My final week of work in 2019 was accompanied by my 24th birthday, the kindest gifts from my nanny family and a hilarious and wonderful concert by the Massive Violins before (in the words of Chris Rea) "Driving Home for Christmas". Christmas 2019 was spent, as ever, with family and some friends, with walks in the cold, plenty of cups of tea and the traditional endless eat, sleep, eat some more routine.

Even Work-Grandma Bought me A treasure trove of Birthday Gifts!

Wellies from my Bosses - Puddle Jumping here I come!

Massive Violins p.s. I'm aware they are Cellos...

And then the year ended. As you began 12 months earlier, you waved goodbye, 2019, from my parents' home, surrounded by family each with a glass of bubbles in our hand. You had played your part, taken your bow and were exiting stage left (luckily with no bear in sight). Not only were you leaving us with the memory of the last 365 days but you left us reminiscing on the last 10 years. You closed not only your door but the door to the 9 years that preceded you. 10 years ago I was 14, I was at school, anxious about tests and exams, about home-work and lessons. I had amazing friends, at least 3 of whom I still have now, and I had no idea what I'd be doing in 10 years time. Well, for your record, and mine, this is what I'm doing. I'm doing a job I love, working with people I love, living with someone I love, passing time doing hobbies I love with friends that I love. That's a lotta love - in the words of Hugh Grant in the best movie ever "If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around". I can't say what the future will bring but I do know, that if I can be as brave and bold and kind to myself as I was last year, then the future could be pretty good.

Family

So thank you 2019, for you and for the decade that you close.

Hello Roaring 20's (take 2!)