Dear Brain,
For a brain, you are very thoughtless. I am very aware that you are busy trying to fix yourself
right now but is there any possibility
at all that you could do it with any less energy. I first began to note that
you were busy when I attempted to sit down with a book many weeks ago now
(shortly after the accident in fact) and was unable to finish a single page.
Since then, you have refused to let me complete a couple of chapters let alone
an entire novel. This is not OK. You
may not know this about me brain, although it seems that you should, but I am
an avid reader. I cannot recall a time when I did not enjoy reading or when I
put down a perfectly good book for the sake of another activity. Now, correct
me if I’m wrong, but that makes the current situation quite frustrating for me.
I have found myself watching more pointless YouTube videos and sleeping than I have
ever experienced before. I am not grateful
for this. As much as the average teenager may love my current situation, I am not your average teenager. I do not
like computer games. I do not like sport. I do not own a PlayStation. When I wake
up in the morning, I want to spend all day in bed reading. The past three
months or so have been the first time so far in my 19 years on this planet when
I have been unable to do this…or to even contemplate doing this. Even in a
post-cup-of-tea-and-hot-shower state of wide awake…ness, I find myself feeling
dopey after a couple of sentences. I rarely finish a page. If it’s not
sleepiness that ruins my reading time, then it’s this new weird and incredibly
frustrating habit of becoming distracted and beginning to day dream.
For instance, a page of my book may go like this: *I begin to read*: ‘As he turned to leave the pavement…’ and then this happens *briefly take my eyes of the page and
notice the window, and trees, and the outside and ooh look a bird and I wonder
where my jumper is, I’m hungry, no lets have some tea, urgh, too lazy to make
tea, maybe I should just focus on some reading, oh yeah! That’s what I was
doing before I noticed the window and the trees and the…* and then the
cycle begins again…do you see my problem? Possibly you do not but now imagine
that situation for someone who has a place at university for next September to
study ENGLISH LITERATURE for three years! Once again, forgive me if I’m wrong
but it would be incredibly difficult to spend three years reading and studying
books when I am unable to read a page without wondering what’s happening next Thursday
at 4 o’clock or whether there’s any biscuits to have with my tea.
This gap year was not only supposed to be a wonderful break
from the stress that I felt pushing down on me over the past four exam-ridden
years, but also an amazing opportunity to just spend 365 days reading as much
as possible. I’m three months in and no such activity has been completed, not
even begun.
So all I can say is, I really hope you get your act together
soon and reabsorb the blood or whatever it is you need to do. I’m no biologist
and I don’t know the reasons behind how or why this process seems to take so
long but I would really appreciate it if you hurried up.
Thank you for reading this and sorry for ranting at you. I
hope you forgive me and perhaps we will be able to understand each other soon.
Best wishes,
